Are you endlessly searching for how to figure out what you want in life or what direction your life should take next? You’re not just looking for a job, you are seeking a sense of purpose, a direction that feels authentically yours. I know because I spent years feeling the same way.
I remember sitting in my late 20s, with a good job on my resume, and a sinking feeling in my stomach. I had followed the script degree, career, paycheck, but I had no answer to the question, What do you want in life? While others talk about being in a life rut, for me, it was a full-blown identity crisis. I realized that my confusion wasn’t just a lack of options; it was a lack of self-knowledge.
This isn’t just about checking in with reality; it’s about building a new one. My framework, the Compass Method, helps you construct a life from the ground up, using lessons from positive psychology, career coaching, and hard-won experience. It moves beyond vague advice and offers concrete steps to find clarity.
The Foundation: Why You Feel Lost (The Psychology)
I used to think my indecision was a personal flaw. I assumed everyone else had a secret roadmap I had missed. Then I learned about the Paradox of Choice (popularized by psychologist Barry Schwartz) and realized that our modern world of infinite possibilities can be paralyzing. When you can be anything, choosing one thing feels like losing everything else.
To understand how to know what you want, psychology offers us a few key concepts that explain the mental blocks we face:
- The Paradox of Choice: Having too many options leads to anxiety and dissatisfaction rather than freedom. We fear making the wrong choice, so we do not choose at all.
- External vs. Internal Locus of Control: Are you driving your life, or are you just a passenger? If you have an external locus of control, you believe life happens to you. Shifting to an internal locus allows you to believe you can influence your own outcome.
- The Planned Happenstance Theory: This career theory suggests that curiosity and optimism are more important than rigid planning. It’s about putting yourself in the path of luck rather than trying to control every variable.
Action Step: Try this reflective journal prompt: List 3 times you made a decision based on what you should do vs. what you genuinely wanted. What was the outcome? Writing this down often reveals a pattern of prioritizing others’ expectations over your own needs.
The Compass Method: A 4-Step Framework
A compass doesn’t show you the destination. It gives you a true bearing so you can navigate any terrain. This method builds your personal compass, ensuring that no matter where you go, you are moving in a direction that aligns with who you really are.
Step 1: Plot Your Coordinates (The Audit)
You can’t navigate to a new location if you don’t know where you currently stand. When I first did this audit, my Wheel of Life was completely lopsided. I was scoring a 9 on Career, but a 2 on Joy. Seeing that imbalance on paper was the wake-up call I needed.
To figure out where you are, use these three tools:
The Energy Audit
For one week, track your tasks and activities. Instead of logging time, log energy. Which tasks drain you? Which ones energize you? You might find that the dream job tasks are actually draining, while the side projects you ignore are giving you life.
The Peak Experiences Timeline
Draw a simple timeline of your life. Mark your peak moments—times of immense joy, pride, and flow. Look for the common threads. Was it when you were creating something? When you were helping others? When you were solving a complex problem? These are clues to your purpose.
The 5 Things List
Instead of vague dreams like be happy, list 5 concrete things you want in life in the next year. Be specific.
- Learn basic coding.
- Volunteer monthly at the shelter.
- Have a difficult conversation calmly with my boss.
- Travel to a Spanish-speaking country.
- Run a 5k.
This list helps you move from abstract anxiety to concrete action, especially when trying to figure out how to figure out what to do with your life, career-wise.
Step 2: Calibrate Your Inner Compass (Values & Purpose)
Many people suggest you find your Ikigai. While it’s a great model, it can feel static and intimidating. I found more power in Dr. Logan Ury’s concept of Core Life Values. When I narrowed my 50+ values down to my top 3: Growth, Autonomy, and Connection, it reshaped every decision I made. Suddenly, saying no to a high-paying but restrictive job wasn’t a mistake; it was a strategic move for Autonomy.
To align with your core values, try this:
Values Sorting
Find a reputable values list from a psychology site like Authentic Happiness. Don’t just pick the ones that sound nice; pick the ones you can’t live without. Narrow it down to your top 5.
The Purpose Prompt
There are endless lists of questions online, but you need the right ones. Use these 15 questions to discover your life purpose (or at least a curated selection of them). Pick the three most powerful prompts, such as:
- What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
- What problem in the world makes you feel angry or sad? (That emotional reaction is often your calling.)
- What did you love doing as a child before you worried about being good at it?
As Is -> To Be Statement
Craft a personal mission statement to anchor your transition.
- From someone who feels Aimless… TO someone who lives a life of Impact.
- From someone who feels Stuck… TO someone who prioritizes Growth.
Step 3: Set Your Bearings (From Insight to Action)
Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. You cannot think your way into a new life; you have to act your way there. I committed to a Year of Experiments. One experiment was writing a single blog post. That single, small action is the reason you’re reading this now.
If you are struggling with how to decide what you want to do in life, use the Tiny Bet approach.
The Tiny Bet Experiment
Based on your insights from Steps 1 & 2, design 3 tiny bets, low-risk, low-time experiments you can run in the next month.
- If you value creativity, take a pottery class.
- If you are curious about tech, build a simple website.
- If you think you want to be a teacher, tutor someone for free once.
Informational Interview Script
Don’t guess what a job is like; ask. Reach out to someone whose career intrigues you.
- Subject: quick question from a fan of your work
- Body: Hi [Name], I have been following your work on [Project] and find it inspiring. I am currently exploring a career shift into [Industry]. Would you be open to a 15-minute chat? I’d love to ask just three questions about how you got started.
The And, Not Or Mindset
Challenge the idea that you have to choose ONE thing. This binary thinking kills creativity. Can you be a marketer AND a yoga teacher? An engineer AND a writer? Often, the intersection of two interests is where you find your unique niche.
Step 4: Navigate the Obstacles (Building Resilience)
When I told my family I was quitting my stable job to become a writer, I was met with skepticism. The fear of judgment is real and can derail your progress if you aren’t prepared. You need to know how to determine what you want to do in life, even when the voices around you are loud.
Fear-Setting
Adapted from Tim Ferriss, this exercise is crucial. Define your worst-case scenario. If you pursue this new path and it fails, what happens? How would you repair the damage? Then, define the best-case scenario. Usually, the risks are reversible, but the regret of not trying is permanent.
Building Your Board of Directors
Identify 3-5 people whose judgment you actually trust. These can be friends, mentors, or even historical figures. When you feel doubt creeping in, ask yourself, What would my Board advise?
The Quarterly Review
Your compass needs recalibration. We change, and our desires change. Schedule a quarterly Life Audit to repeat Step 1 and adjust your bearings. This ensures you don’t wake up in another five years realizing you’ve drifted off course again.
Your Toolkit & Resources
If you are still craving external validation, you might be looking for a how to know what you want in life quiz. While online quizzes should be taken with a grain of salt, some are backed by science.
Based on my research, the VIA Character Strengths Survey is one of the most scientifically validated tools available. It focuses on your inherent strengths rather than just your interests.
When I was lost, I also spent hours on Reddit threads about how to know what you want to do in life. Here is a synthesized summary of the best, non-cliché advice I found from real people:
- Follow the envy. If you are jealous of someone, they have something you want.
- Your job doesn’t have to be your passion; it can just fund your passion.
- Action alleviates anxiety.
For a deeper dive, I recommend reading Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans and The Defining Decade by Meg Jay.
Your First Tiny Bet Starts Now
Five years ago, my answer to What do you want to be in life? It was a resignation, I don’t know. Today, it’s I am a writer, a coach, and someone who is constantly growing. The path isn’t always straight, but with your compass in hand, you’re never truly lost.
Remember, clarity doesn’t come from thinking about the path ahead; it comes from taking the first step. You don’t need to see the whole staircase, you just need the courage to climb the first few.
So, let’s make progress, not pressure. Your first tiny bet starts right now. What is one small experiment you can commit to this week? Share it below to make it real—I’ll be here in the comments, cheering you on.