Have you ever wondered how the Let Them Theory could change the way you handle guilt, pressure, and expectations? Do you ever find yourself staring longingly at your knitting basket or that new novel, only to think, I should be doing something more productive? Or maybe you cancel your weekly yoga class because someone else needs you, and the silent guilt of choosing yourself feels too heavy?
What if I told you there is a simple, powerful mindset, the let them theory—that can silence that guilt and hand you back the keys to your own joy? Popularized by the incredible Mel Robbins, this isn’t just another self-help trend. For us, as women who must consciously carve out space for our passions, embracing the let them theory is a revolutionary act of self-care. Let’s break down exactly how this concept is your secret weapon for a more fulfilling and creative life.
What Is The Let Them Theory? A No-Nonsense Summary for Women Who Are Tired of Pleasing Everyone
Let’s cut straight to the chase. In one sentence, the let them theory is the conscious decision to stop trying to manage, control, or worry about other people’s reactions, and to instead focus entirely on your own actions, peace, and well-being.
It’s about releasing the exhausting need for external validation and accepting that you cannot control what others think, feel, or do, you can only control your response.
Let’s make it real with a classic FemmeHobbies scenario:
- The Old Mindset (The Guilt Trap): My sister thinks my pottery hobby is a childish waste of time and money. I feel the need to justify it to her, listing all the reasons it’s productive or therapeutic, and I always end up feeling defensive and small.
- The Let Them Theory in Action (The Freedom Path): My sister thinks my pottery is a waste of time? Okay. Let her. Her opinion doesn’t change the profound peace I feel when I am centering clay on the wheel. I’m not throwing pots for her approval; I’m doing it for my soul.
This shift, championed by Mel Robbins, is not about being dismissive or rude. It’s about building an internal fortress of self-validation so that external opinions simply lose their power to derail you.
Why The Let Them Theory is the Ultimate Tool for Your Hobby Toolkit
This theory isn’t just for big life decisions; it’s a precision tool perfectly designed for the unique challenges we face in protecting our creative time. Here’s why it’s a game-changer for your hobby life.
- It Reclaims Your Time and Mental Energy. Hobbies aren’t luxuries; they are essential nourishment. Yet, the time for them is often the first thing sacrificed on the altar of other people’s demands. The let them theory gives you the mental permission slip to protect that time. When the voice whispers, You should be folding laundry instead of painting, you can calmly respond, I’m going to let the laundry wait while I do this for me. This reclaims not just minutes on a clock, but your right to joy.
- It Fuels Authentic Creativity. When you create from a place of seeking likes, praise, or avoiding judgment, your creativity is filtered through someone else’s lens. What happens when you apply the let them theory? You give yourself the freedom to create purely for the joy of it. Let them not understand my abstract art. Let them think my novel idea is weird. This freedom allows for more risky, innovative, and truly authentic creative expression because you are the only audience that matters.
- It Builds an Unshakeable Hobby Identity. Your passions are a core part of who you are. When you constantly downplay your interests or feel the need to call them just a little hobby, you diminish a piece of your identity. This theory helps you own it. You are a gardener. You are a quilter. You are a rock climber. And you can be that proudly, regardless of who gets it.
Let Them Theory In Action: 3 Real Scenarios for the FemmeHobbies Community
Theory is great, but application is everything. Let’s walk through how this looks in the messy, beautiful reality of our lives.
Scenario 1: The Guilty Crafter.
- The Situation: I have a free hour on Sunday afternoon. My crochet project is calling my name, but so is the mountain of laundry and the dusty living room. I feel guilty even sitting down, as if I am being lazy and irresponsible.
- The Theory Applied: Take a deep breath and say: Let the laundry sit in the basket for another hour. Let the dust bunnies linger. This creative time is not a reward for a completed to-do list; it’s a non-negotiable appointment for my mental health. The chores will still be there, but this moment of peace is mine to take now.
Step 2: The Judged Gardener.
- The Situation: My friends don’t understand why I love spending my free time weeding and composting. They make gentle jokes about my dirt obsession or ask when I’m going to get a real hobby. It makes me hesitant to talk about something I truly love.
- The Theory Applied: Smile warmly and think: Let them joke. Their lack of understanding doesn’t diminish the profound joy I get from nurturing life from the soil. This connection to the earth is my sanctuary. I don’t need them to validate it for it to be valid.
Scenario 3: The Hobby Hopper.
- The Situation: I love the thrill of a new craft, I have dabbled in calligraphy, candle-making, and cross-stitch all in one year! But I feel like a quitter when I move on, and I worry people will see me as flaky or indecisive.
- The Theory Applied: Reframe your journey: Let them think I’m flaky. The purpose of my hobbies is exploration, learning, and joy, not achieving mastery or lifetime commitment. I am a connoisseur of experiences, and each new passion teaches me something new about myself. That is a beautiful thing.
Beyond the Hobby Room: How This Theory Ripples Into Your Whole Life
The magic of the let them theory is that the confidence you build in your craft room doesn’t stay there. The muscle you flex when you protect your creative time becomes stronger when you need to set a boundary at work. The voice you find to say my hobby matters is the same voice that can later say my needs matter in a relationship. This isn’t just about hobbies; it’s a foundational practice for building a life where you are the author, not just a character.
Looking for more ways to strengthen your mindset? My complete guide to self-improvement books is a great place to find powerful reads that support your personal growth.
My Review: Is The Let Them Theory Worth The Hype? (Spoiler: Yes, Here’s Why)
As someone who speaks with women daily about the challenges of prioritizing their passions, I can say with conviction: the let them theory is absolutely worth the hype.
What I Love: It’s not another complex, 20-step program. It’s a single, profound mindset switch that you can apply instantly. The relief and freedom it offers are immediate. It’s the missing piece for so many women who know they deserve joy but feel blocked by invisible walls of responsibility and guilt.
Who It’s For: This is for any woman who has ever uttered the words, I don’t have time for myself. It’s for the new mom missing her easel, the busy professional feeling burnt out, and the retiree finally permitting herself to play.
How to Learn More (Ethically & Helpfully)
If this the let them theory summary has resonated with you, I highly encourage you to dive deeper into Mel Robbins’ work. She explores this concept and other powerful tools in her talks and books. For a full, immersive understanding, the audiobook is fantastic, you can listen while you’re on a walk, commuting, or even working on your latest craft project!
(A quick but important note: Steer clear of sites offering illegal PDF downloads. Not only is it unfair to the creator, but engaging with these untrustworthy sources hurts your own digital safety and aligns poorly with being a trustworthy resource yourself.)
Your Invitation to Try It
So, the next time you feel that familiar tug of guilt as you reach for your sketchpad or your running shoes, I invite you to take a deep breath and try the let them theory.
They can think it’s silly. The emails can wait. Expectations will fade. And you deserve this moment of pure, unapologetic joy.
Your hobby—and your peace of mind—are worth it.
Now, I’d love to hear from you: Where can you apply the let them theory’ in your creative life this week? Share your scenario in the comments below!
According to the Let Them Theory, letting go of control often starts with building self-belief. Our article on Positive Affirmations for Women provides practical phrases to help reinforce this mindset.
FAQs
In simple terms, the Let Them Theory is a mindset shift where you stop trying to control other people’s reactions and opinions. Instead, you focus only on your own actions and peace. For example, if someone thinks your hobby is silly, you simply “let them” think that, freeing yourself from the need for their approval.
You can apply it by giving yourself permission to prioritize your hobby time without guilt. When you feel guilty for crafting instead of cleaning, think “let the dishes wait.” If a friend judges your passion, think “let them not understand.” This protects your creative time and allows you to enjoy your hobbies for yourself, not for others.
The theory is about self-preservation, not selfishness. Being selfish is taking without regard for others. The Let Them Theory is about setting healthy boundaries to protect your well-being. Prioritizing your hobby isn’t selfish; it’s an essential act of self-care that replenishes your energy, making you a happier, more present person for others.
The concept was popularized and named by motivational speaker and author Mel Robbins. She introduced it as a powerful tool to reduce anxiety and regain control over one’s life by letting go of the need to manage others’ feelings, opinions, and actions. It has resonated widely as a practical formula for emotional freedom.
Hey, I’m Shahzaib!
I started FemmeHobbies to create a welcoming space where women can discover fulfilling hobbies. While building this platform, I collaborate with talented writers and hobby experts to ensure every article feels authentic, useful, and empowering.
My main focus is handling the technical side, so our community can focus on passion, creativity, and connection.
